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- Having friends to turn to for an ear and even a little advice is always great.
- Things can, however, turn sour when you take that advice and then feel regretful later.
- A relationship coach shares how you can set up boundaries and equip yourself with the necessary discernment when asking for and taking advice from your friends.
Knowing you can turn to a friend whenever something weighs you down is always great. Sometimes, however, getting and taking advice from a friend could have disappointing outcomes.
In Mary's* instance, her friends encouraged her to leave her "useless" husband after she got a new job and started doing better than him. Taking her dilemma to Facebook, she shared how she complained about her man to her friends, who wasted no time advising her to end things.
"I started working as a nurse, and my friends told me I could do it without a man," she wrote.
While she initially enjoyed her newfound freedom and dating a string of men, things quickly became lonely when her friends started finding true love while she dealt with men who she explained were only interested in sex.
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"As I'm talking to you, two friends who advised me to leave my marriage got married recently. I feel lonely and I can't find another man. So far, I have dated five men, and they sleep with me and go. I'm tired and should be in my house with my loving husband.
"She ends the post by expressing her regret while asking for advice to win him back.
The cons of confiding
When it comes to situations like Mary's relationship coach Paula Quinsee shares the cons of taking advice from your besties:
- While friends have your best interests at heart, their advice may be clouded by their own experiences, biases, or personal agendas, which can be driven by their own fears or judgments being projected onto your situation and advice that may not necessarily align with your needs or values.
- Besties may mean well, but they may not have the expertise, skills or knowledge required to independently help you navigate the situation (vs a counsellor or therapist). They may lack the depth required to address the issue effectively.
- Sharing intimate details of your relationship with your besties can lead to breaking trust and confidentiality (vs your partner), and asking friends for advice can sometimes backfire due to this conflict of interest, leading to feelings of hurt, anger, betrayal and even the breakdown of a friendship.
Setting up boundaries - for you and your bestie
Quinsee assures that it is okay to get advice from your friends.
She does, however, advise that you "navigate asking friends for advice while still maintaining your independence in making your final decision."
She says:
"Ultimately, you should have boundaries in place as to what information you share with your friends about your relationship and partner to protect your privacy and the integrity of your partnership should you decide to stay in your relationship or not."
