Publications
Partners
- Psychologist Dr Nicole Le Pera shares seven ways healthy partners repair their relationship.
- Partners need to be committed to the process of making positive changes.
- They affirm love for each other: conflict can be overwhelming, primarily if we were raised in homes where conflict meant blow-ups or loss of love.
Relationships require constant work. Nothing is ever perfect; hence, a commitment must be made to make it work.
Some people in relationships have faced many challenges and obstacles that might be difficult to repair or may not know what repair entails and how to go about it.
Arguments and fights can get ugly but it all boils down to how you resolve conflict. This may determine how healthy your relationship is.
Psychologist Dr Nicole Le Pera shares seven ways healthy partners repair their relationship
1. They deal with it. They don't avoid it: healthy partners prioritise repair after conflict. They don't let things linger, and they both come to the table to communicate openly.
2. They validate their partner's feelings, *even if they disagree*: "I understand now why you feel that way" or "I can see that I hurt you" helps them feel seen and heard. We don't need to agree with someone to understand how they feel.READ MORE | Are you in a dysfunctional relationship? Here are 4 indicators, according to a psychologist
3. They actively listen, allowing their partner to speak without speaking over them. They listen from a space of curiosity (even when triggered) to better understand where their partner is coming from.
4. They own their role: they're open and humble about owning their role and apologise. "That joke I told in front of our friends wasn't funny, and it hurt you. I apologise and won't do that again." They're not defensive "it's not a big deal".
5. They don't fight to win. They seek a compromise: healthy partners look for both people to "win" and navigate conflict as a team. They're not trying to one-up each other or score-keep. These things only cause resentment.
READ MORE | All is not lost: 5 ways to revive your relationship
6. They stick to the issue at hand: they don't bring up the past or make empathic statements like "you always do x". They speak about and stick to the current issue, then find solutions together.7. They affirm love for each other: conflict can be overwhelming, primarily if we were raised in homes where conflict meant blow-ups or loss of love. Post-conflict, healthy partners might cuddle, hug, or let their partner know they love them.
