15 embarrassing penis questions answered
No, Dr Kok isn’t a catchy pseudonym we’ve come up with for the man who’s responsible for answering your most embarrassing penis and sex questions.
Dr Etienne Kok is the real McCoy: a medical practitioner, certified psychosexologist and senior lecturer in the Department of Urology at the University of Pretoria and Steve Biko Academic Hospital.
He deals primarily with individuals and couples with sexual dysfunctions and relationship problems.
You inboxed us your most embarrassing questions about your penis and sex life. Dr Kok, Pharma Dynamics’ sexual health advisor, sheds some light.
Premature ejaculation (PE) occurs prior to or within about a minute of penetration which can cause frustration and distress, usually resulting in guys avoiding sex, says Dr Kok.
“It’s normal for the average guy to ejaculate within 2-5 minutes of penetration. Some men have had this problem for as long as they can remember (lifelong) while others may experience it suddenly (acquired). If it was acquired it can be due to prostate, thyroid or relationship problems or be secondary to ED.”
He recommends consulting a medical doctor in such cases. “For both forms of PE, medication can be prescribed by your doctor. Performance anxiety also plays a role but men should have realistic expectations about how long they can last."
To be able to facilitate your partner’s orgasm, you must focus on longer foreplay and physically stimulating her to bring her to a higher point of arousal before penetration. A penis is not a tool or an instrument with which you provide an orgasm to your partner – the female orgasm is far more complex than that!
There are no natural ways to increase your testosterone levels, says Dr Kok.
“Levels above the normal range necessary for male functioning do the body harm rather than good.
“Instead, look at changing your lifestyle to prevent yourself from taking drugs that can lower testosterone levels (steroids and opiates) by following a healthy diet and exercising regularly to maintain a normal body weight and not end up with diabetes – a major cause of low testosterone levels.”
Read more: 8 signs you have low testosterone levels
According to Dr Kok there aren’t any natural ways to do this. “People falsely claim that one can do so with certain products, but none have been substantiated by scientific research,” he says.
It’s completely normal to lose your erection after orgasm and ejaculation, says Dr Kok.
“The younger you are, the longer it will take you to lose your erection. The older you get, the quicker it will happen.” According to Dr Kok, there’s nothing you can do about it.
“A man needs more direct physical stimulation to get erect and maintain the erection as he gets older. It’s untrue that men are able to get instant erections at all times with only visual stimuli, sexual thoughts and fantasies.”
Read more: How to maintain your erection
Penis growth after puberty is a given, says Dr Kok.
“All men have, on average – within a very small range – about the same penis size in the erect state. Flaccid penises can differ in size, depending on the level of stress or anxiety the man experiences, the environmental temperature and if he has done exercises (blood then necessary in other body muscles).
“But there are no natural ways to increase penis size. Women don’t relate to penises but to persons!”
Read more: The best sex positions for every penis size
There are procedures that can lengthen the penis and also increase the girth (circumference) of the penis, says Dr Kok.
“This surgery is, however, controversial and are not recommended for men who have a complex about their penis size. It can alter the appearance of the penis as well as the erect angle and stability of the penis, plus it can have other possible complications.
“The average female does not desire a bigger penis, but a better lover. Women don’t leave men with small penises but with horrible personalities!”
According to Dr Kok, pearly penile papules or little white lesions around the rim of the head of the penis (glans penis) are completely normal.
“Some men might complain about it for cosmetic reasons and others might think that they have genital warts (STIs) or are being accused by a partner that they’ve picked up something from someone else. I advise people to love them and live with them.
“But if you’re desperate to get rid of them, they can be removed with a CO2 laser procedure.”
There’s no reason weight lifting and supplement use should affect penis size, says Dr Kok.
“But if you abuse anabolic steroids and testosterone, it could stop the normal testosterone production of the testes and cause them to shrink.”
Read more: The truth about juicing
This is completely normal, especially as you get older, says Dr Kok.
“After erection, orgasm and ejaculation in men there’s a period of time (refractory or “recovery phase”) in which it’s impossible to get erect again, orgasm or ejaculate. The younger you are, the shorter the refractory phase, the older – the longer. For young men it can be minutes, middle-aged men – hours, and old men – days!
“Men are not designed to go for more than one round. Rather focus on foreplay and love-play and the journey with your partner than going at it round after round. It’s about quality and not quantity when it comes to mutual sexual satisfaction.”
You may have performance anxiety, suggests Dr Kok, which is psychological in nature.
“Instead of riding the wave of emotion you’re becoming a spectator of your own sexuality; worrying if you’re good enough, your penis big enough, if you’ll last long enough (pressure, expectations and myths from peers and society) to satisfy your partner.
“This creates anxiety that releases adrenaline in your system and functions as an antidote for erection.”
“It all depends on what you mean by low sex drive. You cannot expect yourself to become instantly aroused (erect) by what you see, think or fantasise about,” says Dr Kok.
“You may also have other priorities and responsibilities in your life now that become sources of stress and worry, such as relationships, marriage, children, work and finances. You may often go into ‘survival mode’ which can affect you going into or experiencing a ‘sexual mode’.”
According to Dr Kok, a penis will be exactly the same size every time it’s fully erect.
“The hardness or quality of the erection might be more or less depending on the level of arousal or the degree of stimulation.”
This is completely subjective opinion, he warns.
Read more: 8 ways to protect your erection
Overexertion causes muscle and general fatigue, says Dr Kok.
“The body goes into a recovery phase during this period which can influence libido or desire to have sex. When you’re in ‘recovery or survival mode’ you’re not in ‘sexual mode’. It also depends on what supplements you’re using. If it’s anabolic steroids and testosterone, it will increase your libido temporarily while you’re using it. Just remember it shuts down the testicles’ ability to produce the body’s own testosterone!” Dr Kok says.
“Be realistic about your libido. It’s like hunger, you’re not always that hungry and there are many things (physical, psychological, emotional and relational) that can affect your appetite!”
Having trouble ejaculating is usually due to psychosocial factors (religious, cultural, parental taboos), according to Dr Kok.
“It could be a fear of impregnating a woman, feelings of guilt about having sex, fear of letting go (orgasm) or losing control. You also may just be inexperienced at sex and be guilty of ‘spectatoring’.
“The more you focus on trying to reach orgasm and satisfy your partner, the less you are in the moment. This can cause your arousal levels to dwindle.”
“Your libido can’t be what it was when you were 20 years old. You have other things occupying your mind and time and have much more responsibilities now,” says Dr Kok.
“If you’re a working man in a committed relationship with a wife and kids, there is financial and work pressure. Or maybe you’re depressed and using anti-depressants. Anxiety and depression can cause you to experience a lower libido and difficulty to ejaculate.
“Also be careful of alcohol use or abuse. It lowers the senses!”
This article was originally published on www.menshealth.com
Image credit: iStock