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Posted by: Make it stop | 02/01/2019

Q
Paranoid but real

Hello, I feel like I'm getting worse and I can't tell anyone. I'm scared to say out loud or do or not do things incase the outcome becomes bad and then I feel guilty. I know this seems paranoid, but it has happened before, and then bad things have happened quite a few times. Then I live with the guilt of people getting hurt or dying. Logically I know it sounds crazy, but I would agree if it didn't feel so real because I know it does happen, so it's not make believe. My thoughts make me feel crazy and alone. I was even scared to send a picture collage thing that I did of certain family members to them in case something bad happens when they were traveling, even saying it now here makes me uncomfortable but I'm telling myself that I haven't said their names etc. I know it sounds mad, but I'm not crazy, people see me as quite "normal" and I work hard, I know it's paranoid but I can't seem to stop feeling that way because of all the past things. I feel so alone like I am somehow different and bad in someway. Logically I know this is paranoid, but I am wiping tears from my eyes as I type this because of the conflict inside. The fear has gotten worse over this Christmas period. I'm so very tired of feeling responsible, guilty and a failure. How do you tell people you're afraid that your words/actions/lack thereof, can cause maybe bad things to happen, when the bad things that have happened have been a result of such, because it sounds nuts, I would be the first to say that if it didn't feel so strongly real because of those bad things linked to me that are imprinted in my head. How do i make my brain and fear stop.

EXPERT’S REPLY

Posted 03/01/2019

A
I'm sure this is a very genuine concern of yours. But though there is a paranoid flavour here, it sounds much more like a variety of OCD, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.  And fortunately it usually responds really well to treatment, often using meds and CBT counselling.
OCD includes obsessions ( such as your belief that things you do or do not do could harm yourself or other people : these are sincere, convincing but fortunately not actually true in real life ) and compulsions : the hard to control urge to avoid doing whatever things you think could be harmful, and to do whatever things seem to you likely to reduce or avoid such harm.
As it could sound nuts to other people not familiar with this illness, sufferers often feel very alone as they hesitate to tell anyone, and may suffer needlessly by mistakenly avoiding therapy.
Do arrange to see a psychiatrist soon for a proper assessment and diagnosis, and a discussion of your treatment choices.  And keep in touch through the forum, so as to let us know how you gradually improve and set yourself free from these nasty symptoms.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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