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Partners
- Busi and her husband have been trying to fall pregnant for over a year.
- After a visit to a specialist, they were told to brace for an uphill fertility battle.
- "We are trying to navigate a way in which sex doesn't feel like a chore, and trying to have a baby is not emotionally draining," they share.
When Busi* and her husband Thabo* decided to take their relationship to the next level, the one thing they looked forward to most was the prospect of becoming parents. Busi would often share her dreams of motherhood with her close friends.
"My husband and I started our fertility journey five months before our wedding. This included getting off contraceptives, a scary prospect as in the two years that I was on them, my period pains were a distant memory," she shares.
"In the first year, I would say we didn't take the 'falling pregnant' part as seriously. We were having fun. If it happened, it happened. If it didn't, we'd be like, 'Oh well'. Better luck next month."
But time went by, and nothing happened.
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"This year, we decided to get serious about falling pregnant and went to see a gynaecologist. We also knew this year would be a bit challenging as my husband enrolled at business school, which would mean his attention would be divided," Busi shares.
But the couple remained hopeful and ready to do whatever was needed.
Busi describes her first consultation with her gynae as pleasant.
"The doctor was very gracious. He took blood and did other tests that, at first, I thought nothing of. In the interim, he gave me medication to take immediately after my next period."
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The results from the blood tests came back a few weeks later, and they were not what Busi expected. "All my vitals were fine, however, the doctor said my egg count 'was neither here nor there', meaning not a lot but not less. However, this also meant that we would have to ready ourselves for an uphill fertility climb."
Busi's doctor tried to reassure her. "He said if it was an issue of my egg count being less, I would have needed to see a fertility specialist, but since that wasn't the case, he wasn't too concerned."
Her doctor advised her on what to do in the coming days and months. He told her if she got her period again in the coming month, he would give her stronger medication. Busi was then asked to return for a follow-up appointment in three months. Her prayer is that there will be a positive result before her next appointment in May.
"I kept my composure in the doctor's rooms, but deep down, I was still worried about the 'egg count'. Though he said it wasn't anything to be concerned about yet, the 'yet' didn't sit well with me.
"I cried when I got home, but my husband was assuring as well. His opinion was that as long as we have solutions at the moment, we are good. We essentially have three months till our next visit in May. It's better than having no months and options."
Busi has chosen to remain positive and distract herself.
"I have tried to remain positive, and one of my distractions has been focusing on my hair growth. My hair has gotten thick from all the folic acid, active folate and prescribed meds. I've had issues with my hair for a long time, so a win is a win, and I'll take it where I can.
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"It took me about a week to shake off the disappointment and feeling like our dreams are slipping away."
Busi and her husband have not shared their struggles with anyone except Busi's mum.
"My mother is the only other person who knows, and that's because I am on her medical aid, so she is contacted when it's time for my appointments. She is helpful and positive as well and shares my husband's sentiments.
"We haven't told my mother-in-law yet, because my husband believes it's better we surprise everyone with good news, and not let this be a central concern as it could get more stressful constantly talking and thinking about it."
Busi also laments over sex feeling like a chore at times.
"The good, or maybe not so good part, is having lots of sex. Sex is fun when it's spontaneous, but it can get mundane when it is an instruction - being told when to do it and how many times. And then your period comes, then the disappointment comes again, and then you have to get 'excited' again."
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The couple's schedules don't always work in their favour, either.
"My work schedule doesn't make it easy. With my husband studying, when I knock off late, he has to wait for me (after studying) to come home, and then we have sex," says Busi.
"If I work early shifts, I have to wait for him to finish his school work and assignments, and we do it. That can take the fun out of physical intimacy. So, right now, we are trying to navigate a way in which sex doesn't feel like a chore, and trying to have a baby is not emotionally draining."
Through it all, the couple have clung to their faith. "I always remind myself that God is in control. I will let go and let God – hard as it may be at the moment."
* Names have been changed
