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- Quora user JM Baird and his wife wanted children despite the risks after she suffered an attack that could have damaged her reproductive organs.
- They tried to conceive three times, but each pregnancy was high-risk and ended in miscarriage, causing devastating pain and loss for both.
- In the end, Baird decided to get a vasectomy to protect his wife from further pain, and they are now preparing to adopt their first child.
Parenthood is often depicted as a joyous and fulfilling experience, but for some couples, it can be a painful journey filled with heartbreak and loss.
Quora user JM Baird and his wife know this all too well. In a candid conversation on Quora, Baird shared his experience of trying to have children with his wife, who suffered a traumatic attack that could have damaged her reproductive organs.
Despite the risks, they both wanted children and tried to conceive three times.
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All three pregnancies were high-risk and ended in miscarriage.
"These were high-risk pregnancies, and she received wonderful care all three times, but none of our children survived long enough to be born," shared Baird.
"This was tough on me, but it was worse for her. She was devastated all three times, feeling like she'd failed not only her babies but me as well. These were the lowest points of our marriage."
Baird felt responsible for the pain his wife had endured. He realised that the desire to have biological children was not worth the toll it took on their relationship and mental health. Hence, he decided to get a vasectomy.
"I feel responsible for this pain, and that is the biggest regret of my marriage. I hated that I'd done this to her so much that I got a vasectomy to protect her from it ever happening again," he shared.
According to a research report in the National Library of Medicine, a vasectomy is one of the most common forms of permanent sterilisation and has a low failure rate.
"Since failure of vasectomy may result in pregnancy, adequate counselling is essential. Couples are advised that an analysis of a semen specimen after vasectomy is required to confirm success before the use of alternative contraception is abandoned," the study read.
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Baird's decision to get a vasectomy may seem drastic to some, but for him it was a necessary sacrifice to protect his wife from further pain. As he put it: "To me, it's a perfectly natural thing to sacrifice for the woman who's given me so much, and I'll do it again when it feels appropriate. I didn't think this was unusual. If it is unusual, well, that's depressing."
His love for his wife was stronger than his desire to have biological children. And while the decision was not an easy one, it was one that ultimately strengthened their relationship.
Experts at the University of Utah seem to have found a correlation between vasectomy and increased affection in a relationship, according to an article on their website.
Dr Alex Pastuszak, a urologist and reproductive expert at the university, listed six reasons women love men who get vasectomies.
"Reason number one, they don't have to think about birth control anymore. I mean, it's one thing less on your to-do list. Instead of having to go get your birth control every month, either from the pharmacy or from your doctor, you've got your guy who's already taken care of it. Once a vasectomy is done and the lab results come back and there's no more sperm, you're good to go," Pastuszak said.
The other reasons are vasectomy effectiveness; no side effects for the woman; the woman doesn't need a tubal ligation; it's a one-time cost; and when a man takes responsibility for the family's birth control, he seems sexier.
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Baird's story is a testament to the sacrifices that couples make in the name of love. It is a reminder that parenthood is not always easy and that the journey to becoming a parent can be filled with heartbreak and loss. But it is also a reminder that love, sacrifice and resilience can help couples overcome even the most difficult challenges.
Baird and his wife are now preparing to adopt their first child. It is a new chapter in their journey and one that is sure to bring both joy and challenges. Love, sacrifice and resilience may be uncommon in today's world, but they are the things that make parenthood and life worthwhile.
SOURCE: Quora
